How to be likable is always a skill that worth investing in. As the saying goes, your network is your net worth. Never underestimate the hidden power of your connection because it does influence your wealth success, wealth, and most importantly, happiness in life! While it’s kind of seems “by luck” whether a person likes you or not, there are always some solid psychological tips and tricks that can help you maximize the chance instantly.
First thing first, if you want to be likable in school or at work or in any situation, there’s one thing you have to master : First impression.Two things remain irretrievable: Time and a first impression – Cynthia Ozick Click To Tweet
If you think it’s okay to ruin the first impression because you always have time to win back their heart. I regret to tell you, it’s not always the case. The human brain is so complicated yet interesting. If they don’t like you in the first 90 seconds (aka the first impression), even if you did something amazing, they will just automatically filter that out and stick back to their first impression towards you. I know it seems so unfair but that’s life! Of course, it is always possible for you to reverse your impression in the latter days but it will take you so much effort and time. So if you want people to like you instantly, learn these tips will certainly make your life easier!
1. Look good, positive and be confident
I know it sounds basic but this is the foundation of winning the first impression! Both male and female, we are all visual animals! While logic tells us don’t judge a book by its cover, in most cases, seeing is believing in the first few seconds when we look at a new person in front of us.
If you are wearing pajama and you look like you are half awake, people just automatically respect you less. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true! So, put your power dress on to make not only you but people that see you feel good!Dress how you want to be addressed. Click To Tweet
Also, if you are positive and confident person, high chance is you are likable and attractive in people’s eyes too! No one will have incentive to know more about a person who looks insecure and sad in the first place because in the bottom of our heart, we all strive for betterment in life. We are naturally drawn by the confident people because we all want to learn how these people live their lives with hopes of emulating their energy.
So before dive into the tricks below, please make sure you have a positive and confident presentation to people first! Otherwise, these tricks won’t work like magic for you!
2. Mention his/her names 3 times in your first conversation.Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Click To Tweet
This is more powerful than you think.
Remember people’s name when you first met is not always an easy task, especially when you’re attending a big event that you’ve come across hundreds of people. That’s why remember people’s name can instantly make people like you! This is the strongest evidence to show them they are important to you and this encourages them to be more interested and comfortable in speaking with you.
But if you have remembered their names but not explicit showing that, they just wouldn’t know. So, the most crucial part is not to remember their name, but to mention their names out 3 times in your first conversation! It seems hard to put their names in the conversation but in fact, 3 times is not that many when you keep chatting. Here are some examples:
Situation 1: When you guys exchange the phone number, instead of asking their names again, you can casually say “I’ve saved your name “Hannah” in the contact name, am I spelling your name right? ”
Situation 2: Just naturally stuff their name in the conversation
“It’s really nice meeting you, see you next time Ben!”
“Hey Wilfred, do you mind holding this glasses of wine for me? ” (This can instantly make you guys have a closer bonding in a very natural way)
I know many people will say that they are not good with names, but seriously, practise makes perfect! This is a skill that worth investing for sure!
3. Making REAL eye contact
An interesting fact about eye contact is, we all think we have eye contact with others but in reality, we just don’t.
Most of the time, we are just looking at the face overall or the nose instead of looking into people’s eyes. Because let’s be honest, making real eye contact can sometimes be intimidating or …awkward.
Eye contact is so important because this reflects our attention, comfort, and sincerity and your eyes speak more than words! Not gonna lie, as an introvert, I am not really good at making eye contact with others and I do feel uncomfortable in some cases, but I can see huge changes when I try to work on that! You don’t want to make eye contact with them all the time because that will be super awkward. An appropriate amount will be around 60% in your conversation, this can tell people you are confident and really engaged in the conversation, and that really makes them pay attention to you and like you almost instantly.
Another interesting point is, gazing into someone’s eyes is the signal of mutual sex attraction. Oxytocin, as known is released with eye contact. There have been many studies show that eye contact can raises oxytocin levels, as the love hormone, in the brain and that can make you more attractive in other’s eyes!
So ladies, work on your eyes NOW!
Mirroring is a strategy that involves subtly mimicking another person’s behavior including body language, gestures, as well as facial expressions. The Research conducted by New York University researchers in 1999 has proved that mimicry directly facilitates liking.
No, copy their gesture won’t make you a copycat. Why? Because they simply can’t even figure out you are copying them! After all, we human beings, like to be around with people that have similar traits. That also explains why sometimes we met a new person for just 15 minutes and we feel like we have met for ages!
Just a side note, we always copy people’s behavior that we may even not aware of! From my personal experience, when I text people with “~” at the end of the sentence instead of adding other emoji, I always get a reply that ends with “~” as well! Not something big but I thought it’s fun to share with you guys!
5. Nod your head
It may sounds ridiculous but nod your head can really make you more likable!
A 2017 study research carried by Professor Dr Jun-ichiro Kawahara, has stated that just by nodding the head increases attractiveness to others by up to 40%. Head nodders are way more approachable and likeable in people’s eyes and willing to share more. Also, when you nod your head when you speak, it makes your statement more convincing and desirable, people are more likely to agree with you!
I mean, it’s a whopping 40%! I will definitely nod my head more LOL
6. Ask for help
Yes, I know it sounds not really logical but it’s true. People will be more inclined to like you if you ask a favor of them. This is called the “Ben Franklin Effect“. This trick may not be applicable for the first impression but definitely helps for a long term relationship!
When you ask people for help, people need to justify if they decide to help you out and that’s the interesting psychological effect that comes into play. They will subconsciously send a new message to their brain “I like this person / this person is worthy in my life” so as to justify their action (Do you a favor.) So, it is totally possible if a person you hated to ask you to do them a favor, you just somehow don’t hate them that much after you helped them out because otherwise, your brain can’t really justify it.
Another reason is, when you are asked for help, you will feel you are special to that particular person because he/she thinks of you when they need help. This makes a special bonding between you and that person!
This tip is really so amazing and I really suggest you guys try it out! ( But please don’t ask for some awkward favors please, always use your judgment! )
7. Say thank you / appreciate people in an effective way
We all know how to say thank you but saying that in an effective way is not always as easy as we thought. Most of the time, this is what happened.
Friend: This dresses look good on you!
You: Thank you! You look great today too!
Yay! I said thank you! I guess they will like me more?
No. People won’t feel truly heartwarming because of your “thank you” because it seems like a natural reflex only. Just like when people ask you “How are you?”, most of the people reply “I’m fine! Thanks”.
To fully utilise “Thank you”, despite of a solid content, an unexpected timing is everything! Below is the example:
Situation: You are just engaged and your friend called to congrats you.
Friend: Congrats my dear! I’m so so happy for you!
People in most cases: Thank you for calling! This is so sweet of you! Can’t wait to meet you at my wedding!
You: Aww…that’s so sweet! I also want to thank you for always giving me constructive advise when the days I got disputes with Ben. I still remember the nights that I called you and cried “I am gonna break up with him tomorrow!” and you patiently listen to my stories for 4 hours straight! I mean, Ben, and I can’t thank you enough for being our strongest support of all time! I truly can’t wait to meet you at my wedding!
Effective Thank you = Valid + Emotional + unexpected timing. This truly makes your friend feel being valued and willing to help you more in the long term because they know you always appreciate their act! A heartwarming thank you is what really level up the bondings with your friend!
8. Physical Touch (in a casual way)
Physical touch can make you more likable, but only if you do this is the right way and right timing! And most importantly, you have to touch that person in a very casual way that looks like you’re just accidentally touching them.
Many types of research and studies have shown that subtle physical touch makes people feel more connected to you. A perfect example is gently touching someone’s forearm (with your left hand) while shaking hands (with your right hand) when you wrap up the whole conversation. (I feel like I need some practice on this…) . If this is too complicated to you, a friendly shoulder tap is already more than enough, this can powerful enough for them to view you as likable!
For the readers who are waitresses, seriously, try to merely touched a customer’s hand when returning charge. A research has shown the waitresses earn more tips when using this strategy!
But again, physical touch need some practise! If you are not doing this in the right way, things can go wrong!
So, there are 8 things that make you more likable! I do hope you will put these tips into practice in daily life because they are all legit tips proven by countless researches! Sometimes, when you first met a person and you can instantly tell that you enjoy the conversation, it’s possible that they are using these tips even they aren’t aware of it!
If you find this article useful, please do me a kind favor to pin it so more people can know these tricks and tips to makes their life easier yet happier! Apparently I’m trying to use “Ask for help” tips lol, but put that aside, your shares can really make me keep motivated in writing these self-help articles! :’) !